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Thursday, April 21, 2016

The Secret to Perfect Prayer

When a doctoral student at Princeton asked, "What is there left in the world for original dissertation research?" Albert Einstein replied, "Find out about prayer. Somebody must find out about prayer." 
Quoted in Leadership Journal (Winter 1983)

Chances are you're similar to me and Sheila Walsh in that you have spent the majority of your life trying to figure out how to pray. As children we're taught to bow our hands, fold our hands together, and even kneel when we pray. Often children are taught form prayers such as, "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep..." As adults we may hold others' hands and take turns praying, addressing God in any number of ways ("Father God...Dear Lord...etc.). "Think about it - how many times have we been asked topiary in public and, instead of talking with God using the manner and words we offer at home, we find our "spiritual" voices, religious vocabulary, and pious pose?" (Sheila Walsh, Get Off Your Knees And Pray) I've even heard some people start their prayers "Hey God." The traditionalist in me balks at such a casual approach. But is it really wrong? Is there a "right" way to pray?

I've had days where I sat in the sun, soaking in its warmth and praising God for the innumerable blessings in my life. Then there are the days when I couldn't stand and just cried out to God in a crumpled, sobbing heap on the floor. There are also all those normal, mundane days when I took 5-10 minutes in the morning or as I drove along in the car to just "say a quick prayer," in an attempt to ensure I check the box for "daily prayer." My prayer life has been inconsistent and selfish at best. But how do I fix that? What is the "right" way to pray?!

Will Rogers said, "The trouble with our praying is, we just do it as a means of last resort." Why is it that we only seem capable of sincere prayer when we're under pressure? I'm just as guilty as anyone else, although I've been trying to improve over the last few years. But I've stumbled at times, trying to deal with some of the typical questions, such as "if God's will is already pre-determined, what's the point of praying?" Sometimes I feel like I don't get answers, and it's discouraging to feel like God isn't listening or He isn't answering. Growing up, everyone told me "God always answers, it's just not always the answer you want." I get it. Just like in parenting, sometimes the answer is no, or not right now, and those are usually not the answers we want.

Is it the Son of God praying in me, or am I dictating to Him?...Prayer is not simply getting things from God, that is a most initial form of prayer, prayer is getting into perfect communion with God. If the Son of God is formed in us by regeneration, He will press forward in front of our common sense and change our attitude to the things about which we pray. - Oswald Chambers

Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays. - Soren Kierkegaard

We pray because it changes our lives. We pray because it's who we are. And we pray because God created us to be relational beings and He wants a relationship with us. When we pray, it isn't like placing an order at a drive-thru. We can't dictate to God. We can make requests, pleas, intercessions, etc. We can cry out in anger, fear, pain, and numbness. We can sing praises and thank God for every blessing in our lives. Every prayer we utter, whether out loud or just in our minds, God hears. Meister Eckhart said, "If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, 'thank you,' that would suffice." Romans 8:26-27 says, "And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don't know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groaning that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Holy Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will." 

So what I take from that is this: When we don't know what to say, when we're unsure how to articulate what we're feeling in the deepest, darkest, most neglected corners of our heart - God already knows. The incredible power of prayer comes from the tiniest seed of faith. God already knows our needs and desires even before we do. But He longs for us to voice our pain, to trust Him, to ask His help in fighting our battles, and to lean on His strength. He yearns for our love and desires to lavish His love on us. "We can't keep worrying about how clean the corners of our soul are. If we get caught up in that whirlpool of self-loathing and doubt, we're only headed down. But if we come before the God who makes all things new, believing in faith that he knows our true hearts, we are certain to be uplifted," (Sheila Walsh, Get Off Your Knees And Pray). 


So, you see, the secret to perfect prayer is this: There is no such thing as a perfect prayer. We are imperfect humans with real needs and ugly struggles. The secret to perfect prayer is in knowing that it doesn't matter how we pray; it only matters that we are willing to come before God, humble, raw, and with open hearts. If we are willing to reach out to Him, He will embrace us and accept us for the broken and flawed vessels that we are. He already sees beyond our words to our hearts, and He loves us just as we are. The perfect prayer is the prayer voiced. That's it. 

I am going to continue to study prayer as I work my way through Walsh's book, but for now I hope you will join me in getting off our knees and praying! 

Hapless but hopeful,
Cassie

Thursday, April 14, 2016

7 Secrets To Sneaky Nutrition

In case you were wondering, I Googled it - sneaky nutrition IS a "thing." I had no idea, but I've been using it for a while now. I'm married to a very picky eater, and I have a 13 month-old who has ZERO interest in eating table food. So I have to be sneaky with our nutrition. I'm trying to be creative in finding new and sneaky ways to ensure that we're getting healthy, balance meals, all while I'm trying to lose weight, tone up, and train for a few obstacle course races I have coming up! It's not easy, and I'll be honest - I don't enjoy cooking enough to want to work this hard. But I DO love my family and the results I've seen in our overall health.

I hit a milestone this last month: I'VE LOST 60 LBS in the last year! That's 30 lbs past what I gained during my pregnancy. I'm over the moon! A lot of that is due to a combination of my BeachBody workouts, Shakeology, and other workouts (mostly swimming, I LOVE to swim!). However, anyone who has been in the fitness game for more than a month will tell you that there's no super workout or fad diet available that will fix your eating habits. YOU have to do that. It is completely up to you to develop and maintain healthy habits that will help ensure you achieve your goals long term. The 21 Day Fix helped me to do that by learning portion sizing and which food groups to ingest the most.

To be completely honest right now, I've plateaued. I reached the 60 lb mark and almost instantly plateaued. It can be so discouraging to not see the dramatic changes anymore. I've still got 20-30 lbs to go; why can't they drop as easily as the last 30 lbs?! Well, it wasn't easy, but at least I was seeing weekly progress. I was following the 21 Day Fix diet most of the time, but I still had some of my bad habits. Sugary drinks are my Achilles' heel, and I love chocolate. I was on-the-go more too, so I was eating out more. Sure, I got mostly salads, grilled chicken, etc. But I would throw in a small soda, maybe a small fry (for the baby, I swear! heh)...you see where this is going. I'm blessed in that I didn't gain the weight back. But something needs to change or I know I am in danger! In addition to increasing the intensity of my workouts and adding more variety, I know I need to tweak our diet.

Thus my avid interest in sneaky nutrition. I have to be gluten-free, and my hubby has several food allergies, so figuring out how to balance our meals can sometimes be tricky. Here are some of the best ways I've found to help you sneak extra nutrition into your meals (and change your habits):

1. Swap "zoodles" (zucchini noodles) or spaghetti squash in for normal pasta whenever possible. This is such an easy way to sneak in extra veggies. When paired with a no-sugar-added pasta sauce, or a Thai peanut sauce, you can't even tell the difference! Just remember a few tips:
- Zoodles don't require much oil or time to cook. Keep an eye on them or they'll go soggy!
- Brush spaghetti squash with a little EVOO or other oil (avocado is my fave) before roasting it, cut side down.
- If you're not going to cook them immediately, store in a closed container in the fridge with some lemon juice to preserve freshness.


2. Drink more water! My husband challenged me to drink at least 1 GALLON of water per day for 30 days. I'm only 4 days in and I can already tell a HUGE difference in my appetite, cravings, energy, and overall health. If you can't stand the thought of drinking it straight, try adding fresh fruit and/or veggies to a jug of water. One of my favorites is to add blueberries, strawberries, and raspberries to ice water and let it sit in the fridge for 2-4 hrs before drinking it. YUM. The lemon/cucumber/mint option is also delicious. If you're worried about chunks in your water, I use these little baskets dunked in a pitcher. They contain the fruit while allowing it to flavor the water.

3. Shakes/smoothies/purees are delicious AND nutritious! I personally use Shakeology. It's like a multivitamin in smoothie form, plus it has all the pre- and probiotics you need to help with healthy digestion. I always add fresh fruit, a handful of spinach, and coconut oil to mine for even more nutritious benefits. I also prefer to make purees for my daughter (when she'll eat them - she's picky too!). I have reusable pouches and a little gadget to help fill them. I've learned that my food processor and blender are two of my favorite kitchen appliances! If you'd like to know more about Shakeology, feel free to contact me or see the "About" page.


4. Make some of your most commonly used foods yourself. I have so many plans for my bread maker, and my crock pot is another one of my favorite appliances. I most recently used it to make my own "baked apples" as a special treat. You can make applesauce the same way. Veggie, potato/sweet potato, and kale chips are easy enough to make in your oven. It's also not hard to make your own yogurt, seasoning blends, soups, etc. By making them yourself, you know what is actually in them and limit the amount of extra chemicals and non-nutritive ingredients you eat. You can also seize the opportunity to sneak extra nutritious ingredients in!


5. Grow your own garden. I'm working on a patio garden and I can't wait to use the fresh ingredients in my cooking! I'll have tomatoes of various kinds and lots of fresh herbs. I hope to have a larger garden later, when we have the space. Growing a garden teaches kids the value of working hard and eating fresh foods, and it's fun for them to be able to enjoy the fruits of their labors! This also allows you to cut out a lot of the chemicals, waxes, etc. that come with store-bought veggies. If you can't grow a garden of your own right now, try looking into a local co-op such as Bountiful Baskets. They provide fresh produce every week for relatively cheap, and they even have organic options.

6. Sit down every week and create a family meal plan. There are tons of options out there for planners and organizational systems. I personally use several in order to ensure I'm faithful while I shop for groceries and cook our meals. I'll admit I'm not always faithful to do this, especially when my hubby is gone for long periods of time. But I swear, it makes a marked difference in our grocery bill and meal quality. It also helps to even make some meals in advance, such as salads and soups. One of my new favorite ideas is mason jar salads. It's a great way to save fridge space, have healthy meals on hand for days when I just don't feel like making lunch, and use all those mason jars that have been gathering dust in the basement! I also like to make some of our favorite soups/stews and freeze them, and my sister introduced me to "sandwich bag omelettes." I think they're going to revolutionize our mornings, especially on days when my husband has to rush out the door extra early for work!


7. Allow yourself the occasional treat. This one is so very important! I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but if you don't allow yourself a treat at least once per week, you're a lot more likely to give up altogether and eat revert to your healthy habits. I personally like to have a glass of wine at least once per week while relaxing on the couch with my husband or in a nice bubble bath. I also allow myself chocolate almonds and mango sorbet (my husband's favorite) on occasion. These treats are necessary for curbing my cravings and helping me to remind myself that my choice to eat healthier is NOT a punishment.

So that's it, those are the top 7 ways I've learned to be a bit sneakier about our nutrition. It's a lot of work sometimes, I won't lie to you. I still haven't tried making our own yogurt, and I honestly might not because my husband is lactose intolerant. But I want to do everything I can to limit the amount of unnecessary chemicals we're ingesting and maximize the nutrient density of our meals. How about you? Do you have any ideas to add? What works best for your family? I hope you're all having a wonderful week!

Hapless but hopeful,
Cassie



Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Why I Won't Have To Tell My Daughter She's Beautiful

Before I explain the title of this post, I want to be very clear about one thing: I will take every single chance I can get to tell my daughter how beautiful she is. I plan to tell her every day, multiple times if I can, for the rest of my life. But if I do a few things right, she won't need validation from me, or anyone else for that matter. Let me explain...

I am a BeachBody coach because I LOVE the opportunity to inspire women to live the healthiest lives possible. I follow numerous fitness coaches and mother-focused fitness groups on social media because I enjoy the uplifting, healthy atmosphere they provide. I also participate in numerous sewing and motherhood groups. Despite the positive, accepting atmosphere of these groups, the most common thread among them is "I'm sorry for my [insert flaw]" or "Forgive the [insert flaw]" or "Please ignore my [insert flaw]." I don't think I've met or seen a single woman who is completely comfortable with her body. Whether it's the infamous "mummy tummy" or I've even seen a woman who was self-conscious about her nostrils...there doesn't seem to be a single woman on the planet who is happy just living in her skin.

I'll admit, I'm in the same boat. I don't love the fact that my feet are large for a woman, that my thighs will always rub a little when I walk, that I have stretch marks and varicose veins, or that I too have a "mummy tummy" (I actually love that title - it's so cute!). There are days when I look in the mirror and all I see are love handles, scars, freckles, and embarrassingly persistent acne. I have had moments when I thought I needed to look a certain way in order to "deserve" love, or lose a certain amount of weight in order to be able to look pretty, and I have always felt that I cannot leave home without makeup. These aren't things that anyone ever expressly told me. These are things I've told myself based on my perceptions.

I am on the warpath to prevent this mindset in my daughter. 

I know that the world will impress false standards on her, as they have every woman in history. I know that I can't shield her from every lie and evil, nor can I control those around her and the perceptions she will develop as a result of these things. But I will do my best to instill in her something that took me 20 years to figure out. When I was in college, I found this verse and it has become my life verse:

This is the message that I hope my daughter chooses to believe. I hope that the only voice that matters to her in the end is God's, and that she lets Him be enthralled by her beauty as she endeavors to honor Him. Even as I strive to believe it myself, I hope that she develops confidence and strength that far surpasses me as she learns to see herself as God does: enthrallingly beautiful, perfectly created in His image and designed to share her spirit with the world as a worshipful testament to His love. If I can help her to do this, I won't have to tell her she's beautiful. She'll know it, deep down in her soul, in a place that only God can reach. I won't have to tell her she's beautiful because she will have already heard it from the King of Kings, who is enthralled by her.

The same applies to you and me. It may feel impossible to believe some days when the numbers on the scale aren't what you hoped for, or the mirror is reminding you of every flaw and scar. I encourage you to write Psalm 45:10-11 down and tape it somewhere you'll see it often. Then, when you doubt, "Forget your people and your father's house. Let the King be enthralled by your beauty; honor Him, for He is your Lord."

Hapless but hopeful,
Cassie

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Sex(ual Assault)

I beg of you, please read this post all the way through.

Let's talk about sex. It's everywhere. There's no escaping it. It's on TV and in movies, in books and magazines, and on the internet. The days of glossy magazines with graphic centerfolds hidden in shoe boxes under the bed are over. Playboy even quit putting nude photos in their primary magazine publications. They explained that with the widespread availability of internet pornography, there's just no need for magazines anymore. The Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy set international sales records, and the resulting movie set box office records, earning $90.7 million in it's opening weekend alone. 68% of the moviegoers contributing to that jaw-dropping figure were women. It's mind-boggling to me to think that the most sexually explicit and misogynistic "literature" in modern history (that's NOT pornographic) was written by a woman and is beloved by women worldwide. To say that Fifty Shades is a true love story is as absurd as saying Twilight is true love. I'm sorry - a vampire thinks a human smells like a good steak. That's NOT true love. That's something a simple Snickers could fix. Fifty Shades isn't true love, it's sexual abuse at best. And yet the world is obsessed.

It shouldn't surprise anyone that sexual assault is on the rise. Men, women, children, the elderly, all races and creeds - it's truly a crime that effects every single demographic. And yet I'm sure when I mention that April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, I'll lose about 50% of you to eye-rolls, wary groans, and the assumption that I'm about to go on an anti-man rant. I'm not, I promise. You see, the statistics actually support the fact that the overwhelming majority of men are not perpetrators of sexual assault. It is also true, however, that the overwhelming majority of victims are women between the ages of 18-25. If you're like me, your initial reaction is "well yeah, because of college stupidity like frat parties." Sure, that is a common storyline, but it's not the reason that women 18-25 are increasingly at risk for sexual assault. 

Pornography is the reason. The pornography industry is creating sexual predators. It's a fact, as proven by studies such as this one done in Australia. Celebrities such as Terry Crews, Russell Brand, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Hugh Grant, and Rashida Jones have all taken a stand against pornography. They all believe that pornography has a severe impact on relationships and perceptions of human worth. 

It's true that humans must ultimately be held responsible for their own decisions; thus, the fact that some people who view porn choose to act out violently cannot entirely be blamed on the porn industry. However, sex, including viewing pornography, is an addictive behavior. Just as we could expect a drug addict to do whatever they can to get their next fix, we can also expect pornography to lead to increasingly risky behaviors. Although the jury is still out on whether or not we can trust the final words of psychopaths sentenced to death, even Ted Bundy decried pornography and the dangers of addiction. I have spent a decade working with victims of sexual assault, and I can honestly say that in almost every single case, the alleged perpetrator admitted to viewing pornography on a regular basis. Pornography breeds violence.

The mother in me is terrified for the future this presents for my daughter. How can I possibly protect her from an enemy I can't physically fight? How can I possibly make her believe that she is a beloved woman of priceless worth and incredible beauty when the world sends the opposite message? This cause is near and dear to my heart, and even more so now that I have a daughter of my own. I love this message from Fight The New Drug:

It is wrong to leave sexual formation in the hands of the global sex industry. We need to do more to help young people stand up against warped notions of sexuality conveyed in pornography. 
Fight the New Drug is all about pro-love and pro-healthy sexuality. That is why we are anti-porn. Porn is full of ideals and beliefs that are completely opposite of what real relationships, real sex, and real love are like. Healthy relationships are built on equality, honesty, respect, and love. But in porn, it’s the reverse; interactions are based on domination, disrespect, abuse, violence, and detachment. Our generation is the first to deal with the issue of pornography to this intensity and scale. And, as we’ve seen with today’s society,  if we don’t take a stand, the problem is only going to get worse and worse. By being informed and understanding porn’s harmful effects, we can make a much needed change to our perceptions about love, sex, and relationships.
I know that it seems like everything has it's own focus day, week, and/or month. But I am pleading with you - please, please, PLEASE educate yourself on this issue. Do NOT be taken in by cultural myths that say that rapists are only strangers behind bushes, or that most of the cases are based on lies and revenge, or that pornography is just a part of healthy sexual expression. There are so many lies surrounding this issue and I can explain that too:
God created sex to be a beautifully intimate expression of love that ultimately brought about new life. Satan desires to tear down every last beautiful thing, warp it, maim it beyond recognition, and present it as a cheap but believable imitation. 
Pornography is a blatant, hideous, cheap imitation. Pornography degrades humans, drugs viewers, and destroys love. Please hear me: I know, believe me, I KNOW that pornography is NOT THE ONLY CAUSE OF SEXUAL ASSAULT. However, it is on the far right side of the grey area (which incidentally has more than fifty shades) in the middle of the "continuum of harm." Sexual assault does NOT occur in a vacuum wherein someone spontaneously harms someone else. Rather, it starts with each degrading joke that goes unchallenged and every young person whose perception of human worth is defined by the dark corners of seemingly benign websites like Instagram and imgur.com.
We have to alter course here; society as a whole needs to address this. Sexual sin leads to the moral downfall of individual men (and women) and entire civilizations alike. We would be foolish and socially suicidal to ignore this issue.

For more information, please see:
If you, or someone you know, have been a victim of sexual assault, please seek help! Here are some resources:
As always, you can also contact me personally and I will help you as best I can, even if it's only 
to point you in the right direction or provide a compassionate ear.
Cassie