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Thursday, June 23, 2016

Pregnancy: To be healthy, or not to be healthy?

Well, I'm pregnant again. My kiddos are going to be roughly 22 months apart in age. Yikes! Hopefully that means they'll be besties and not beasties...We're thrilled that God has seen fit to bless us once again with another munchkin, and we pray for another healthy pregnancy and baby. We're not overly concerned about the sex of the baby, although with my husband being the only boy, it might be nice to have a boy. We'll be thrilled no matter what, and yes, we plan to find out ASAP!

The last time I was pregnant was my first pregnancy ever. I was TERRIFIED (while also thrilled of course). I made the mistake of reading every book, brochure, and online article as well as attending every new parent class...all of that really only served to convince me that even if I made it full term and had a healthy baby, I'd probably make a million wrong choices and end up screwing everything up. I had normal morning sickness the first trimester and then hip pain throughout the rest of the pregnancy, but otherwise a relatively easy, healthy pregnancy. But I was just sure that if I ate the wrong thing or moved the wrong way I was going to lose the baby. So I quit working out, ate pretty much whatever I wanted (mostly healthy, but c'mon, let's be honest...pregnancy cravings are real people!), and constantly questioned every.single.little.thing. I monitored her heartbeat almost daily and said a mildly panicked prayer if she didn't move enough for my peace of mind. You guys, it was RIDICULOUS. I was THAT pregnant lady. I tried to control it externally, so I'm pretty sure I wasn't too obnoxious to everyone around me. Then we moved across the country when I was 8 weeks pregnant and I wasn't able to nest...people, let me tell you - I thought I was going to lose my mind! We finally bought a house and moved in ONE WEEK before my due date. It was God's perfect timing, yet again, as of course our sweet L came ON her due date! My wonderful family, and then my in-laws, all helped us get settled in our new house as we celebrated being a new little family.

From that pregnancy, I learned that most pregnancies are, in fact, healthy and normal. Not all pregnancies are created equal, and it will most likely be different every time. But living in absolute fear is no way to enjoy a pregnancy! This time around my doctor has already cleared me to workout, within reason of course. She actually encouraged me to continue drinking my Shakeology! Her exact words were "it can only add nutrients, which is always good!" For those who may be skeptical, don't worry, she thoroughly researched Shakeology before making her recommendation. And she also motivated me to relax and enjoy my pregnancy!

I know there could still be complications or issues, so of course I will still be careful. But this pregnancy, I hope, will be different for me. At least emotionally and mentally, I feel better prepared and even able to set some new goals for myself:

  • I will continue to workout using PiYo, Autumn Calabrese's "Active Maternity" Prenatal and Postnatal Series (on Beachbody On Demand), and Healthy Habits Happy Moms Prenatal and Postnatal Series. I absolutely love swimming and yoga, so I will keep those up for as long as possible too. 
  • I will continue to take my prenatal vitamins, Omega-3s, and Shakeology every day. Thankfully this time around I already know that I need the chewable versions of my vitamins and Omega-3s. Last time I spent many days super sick because of the swallowable versions, which are harder to digest anyway!
  • I will go to bed earlier and avoid adding extra commitments to my plate. Because I have a toddler (what?! when did she get promoted?!), I rarely get naps and often don't get a full night's sleep. I'm also really bad at saying no, so I end up with a full schedule. If I go to bed earlier and allow myself a less hectic schedule, I can hopefully feel as rested as possible (because every woman who has been pregnant knows that you never feel completely rested when you're pregnant. Or afterward...haha)
All of these things will help me have the safest, healthiest pregnancy possible. Let me be clear - my weight loss goals are on hold. It is never smart to try to lose weight while pregnant. But it is smart to try to stay strong and healthy. That is my goal with my workouts. I know that I had hip and pelvic floor issues during and after my last pregnancy, as well as the fact that I completely quit working out. This meant I was battling up a very steep and slippery hill in an effort to return to a healthy state after giving birth. I'm hoping to prevent some of the bloodier battles this time around. The overall goal is to stay healthy! I will be chronicling my journey almost daily in the Hapless Housewifery Facebook Group if you are interested in following me. If you have any questions along the way about the products I'm using, please feel free to message me, post in the group, or email me at haplesshousewifery@gmail.com

Until next time, I am...
hapless but hopeful,
Cassie

Monday, June 20, 2016

When Mommy Isn't Enough

I originally had a cute, witty little post written and almost ready to publish last week. It was all about the lessons I learned from almost losing my iPhone (Spoiler: I left it on a commercial flight and the cleaning crew found it). It was an entertaining post, and I'm sure many people can relate.

But then I almost lost my daughter. There's nothing like a real, life-threatening health emergency to put life in perspective. Suddenly it seemed juvenile and petty to talk about almost losing my stupid iPhone because I can always go over to the Verizon store and get another one. There's no way to replace a human. I can't walk into a store and say, "I need a strawberry-blonde, petite, blue-eyed beauty with a vivacious and loving personality. Oh, and make her about 15 months old, with 8 teeth and the tiniest feet you've got." Nope. It just doesn't work that way.

When my baby girl stopped breathing, I would've sworn at the time that my heart stopped too. I tried in vain to help her, to get her to respond to my pleas for some sort of sign of conscious understanding. Then I watched numbly as my husband worked with the 911 operator and then the EMTs to get her back to normal. In those brief, blurred moments when she was blue and non-responsive, I really thought we might lose her and I was helpless to do anything but pray.


I didn't cry until the next day when she sat in her high chair happily eating some oatmeal and clapping her hands along with whatever Baby Einstein song Pandora was playing. She seemed so normal again. Could our nightmare really have been less than 24 hours before? It scares her when I cry, so I wept silently as all the emotions I'd been holding back overflowed like a burst dam. I had researched infant and toddler illnesses in detail. As a result, I had always known that febrile seizures were a possibility.

I didn't know that during one such seizure, babies can stop breathing and turn a terrifying shade of blue.
I didn't know that I'd be unable to hold my baby girl as she finally sputtered and gasped and then began to cry.
I didn't know that I'd be so relieved to see the EMTs, but simultaneously infuriated as half a dozen of them crowded into our small bathroom and blocked my ability to even just see my precious baby.
I didn't know I'd have to stand outside and just listen, praying and trying to calm the swelling panic as my husband very efficiently briefed them.
I didn't know she'd look so tiny and terrified sitting in the infant adaptor for the ambulance gurney.
I didn't know that I'd feel like screaming "ENOUGH!" as they stuck her four times in an attempt to get an IV to work.
I didn't know I'd be up all night alternating medications for her every two hours.

I didn't know that I'd cry again just writing about it.

There are some things you just can't know until you experience them. You can read every WebMD article, scour every parent chatroom, and participate in dozens of mommy groups on Facebook. You can even talk to your doctor and ask a million questions and think you'll be prepared. But nothing can prepare you for those dark moments when it seems like your life is teetering on the edge of tragedy.

Nothing, that is, except faith. I couldn't prevent my daughter's febrile seizure, and I couldn't cure the virus that caused it. But I could trust that no matter what the outcome, God was in control. Looking back, it is so evident that God was at work the entire time to protect and provide for us. We are blessed in that our sweet baby girl has made an almost full recovery, with just a few lingering cold-like symptoms to show for the worst nightmare of our lives thus far. God made sure my husband was able to leave work early thanks to some compassionate and reliable coworkers. God made sure we woke up from our naps when we did so we could discover the onset of her high fever. God helped us to recognize her symptoms and know to seek immediate help. God provided expert guidance to most likely save her life and further care to ease her pain. And trusting God is what got us through the next couple of sleepless nights of tracking her fever and alternating her medications.

It seems surreal now, and maybe I'm making more of it than I otherwise would if I was not a first-time Mommy. I don't think so though, and her doctor validated my reactions and fears. But maybe other mommies out there would have been stronger, faster, more knowledgeable, more forceful...in the end, it didn't matter if I was "Mommy enough." In every conceivable way, God was enough. I know that I am immeasurably blessed in that I was able to learn this lesson (for the umpteenth time) and still wake up the next day to hold my baby. I know not everyone shares the same experience, and my heart breaks for those parents who have outlived a child.

There are a couple of times in the Bible when the authors say that Mary (mother of Jesus), stored things up in her heart. Now that I am a mother, I know what that truly means. There are fleeting moments, life lessons, and powerful emotions that we all experience, but being a mother lends a unique perspective on life and the value of the human soul. This was one of those situations, and like Mary, I will store these things up in my heart as I squeeze my baby girl and breathe in her irreplaceable beauty.

Humbled and hopeful,
Cassie

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

A Letter to My Children In Response to Orlando

My Precious Children,

I know someday you'll look back on the recent shooting in Orlando as a distant event, far removed from your memory because, well, that's what happens. Time moves on and memories fade, even when we do our darnedest to commemorate them with holidays, memorials, trinkets, and even charitable foundations. That's how Oklahoma City is to me, and I barely remember Columbine. I'll explain all of these to you in time, but for now, here's what I want you to know. Here's what I believe is the most important takeaway from these events.

Evil will always find a way to disrupt, debase, and destroy human lives. 
But love will always conquer. 

I know that sounds cheesy, and maybe you're rolling your eyes or considering tuning me out.

Don't. You need to pay attention because you need to understand what I'm about to say.

You see, it started with one silly apple. With one errant decision, one human literally changed the course of history and introduced evil into the world. One apple became the introduction to millennia of needless pain, suffering, and evil. It happened in the days of slavery, in the Holocaust, in each and every war, and it still happens today with every incident of gang violence and each horrifying terrorist attack. I'm sure as you watch the news you will see newer, equally vicious versions of Orlando and 9/11 and Oklahoma City. Headlines will tell tales of hateful, deeply troubled humans spewing poisonous diatribes and laying out violent manifestos. People will cry out in their devastation, "When will all of the [violence/hatred/suffering/etc.] end?!"

The sad truth is that it won't. Evil will continue to pervade our lives in insidious and awful ways. As you watch terrible acts of violent hatred unfold, you'll be deeply effected by the emotions of those around you as well as an overwhelmingly feeling of loss and helplessness. We all feel these things when we're wounded; they're normal and it's ok to express them and support each other as we heal. But my prayer is that you don't dwell in that place of pain and confusion. Instead I want you to learn.

I want you to learn to respond with love and compassion. Don't seize the opportunity for political commentary, and certainly don't lash back in anger. Feel your emotions, share them, and heal. But respond to others with the love and compassion, no matter what. There is a place for righteous anger, it's true, and I'm not saying you shouldn't be angry at the unjust nature of suffering. I'm only saying that you should not allow yourself to be consumed by anger and hatred. If you do, you are no better than those perpetrating the acts that hurt you and others around you.

I want you to learn to see all humans as souls to be cherished. No matter what their race, creed, lifestyle, etc. - God sees human souls that He created and loves desperately. Not all return that love, and none deserve it, including me and you. But He gives it freely and abundantly, and so should you. This is much, much easier said than done sometimes. But with patience, prayer, and gratitude it is possible. God hates evil, but He loves us so much He literally paid the ultimate price so that we - you and I and every other living soul - could know and receive that love. A love like that demands nothing less than your best, and your best should be sharing it with a broken, hurting, sometimes hateful world.

I want you to learn to understand that God's heart grieves when yours does. God hates to see us suffer, especially senselessly, as in the case of hate and violence. As I said before, God hates evil and He especially hates what it does to people and through people. No matter what decisions we make in life, God is willing to lovingly accept us with open arms, just as the father did the prodigal son. Our decisions and the suffering they cause grieve Him even more than they do us. But even as we hurt, He is right there, ready to wrap us in His arms and hold us as we heal. When the world wants to blame or revile God when evil things happen, just remember - His heart is broken too. It's broken because of the evil, and it's broken because people won't let Him love and heal them. Lean on Him in those times. Trust His peace when peace is nowhere else to be found.

I want you to learn to search for the "helpers." Mr. Fred Rogers said,

"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." To this day, especially in times of "disaster," I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are so many helpers - so many caring people in this world."

In Orlando and 9/11, there were countless examples of humble heroes who stepped in to help. From emergency responders who gave their lives helping others to safety, to organizations that provided food and supplies for the workers trying to clean up in the aftermath to volunteers donating blood for the wounded. Look for the helpers, and therein you will find a community of hope, unity, and strength. I want you to take it a step further too - be a helper. It's not possible to help everyone in every situation. But you can pray. You can raise money. You can send letters, collect canned food, etc. There are endless ways to help, but even when all else fails, you should always pray. Prayer is powerful because, like we talked about before, God is grieving too and He loves every human soul. 

Romans 12 says: 
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.
...Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
...Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
...Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
...Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

I wish I could eradicate evil and promise you a perfect world. I can't. I simply don't have the power to do so. But I know someone who does, and so do you. God's love already conquered evil on the Cross. Until the day comes when Jesus returns, there will continue to be evil and suffering in the world. I can't protect you from either, as much as I might try or pray that I can. What I can do is teach you to see others as God does, love them as He does, and help make your world that much better in the process. 

Love always,
Mommy