Grace: Why I didn't make any New Year's Resolutions

Hello cyber world! After yet another break, I'm back. I won't apologize for the break because in that time I had a sweet little baby boy. J is perfect and oh-so snuggly and I used the time off to soak in as many of those snuggles as possible. I also had to learn to balance my attentions between J and his older sister, who turned two (*GASP* whaaaaat?!) this month. Which leads me to my topic for this post: GRACE.

Why grace? Let me back up a little for a minute. I've always known that I'm terrible at taking care of myself, especially when it comes to asking for help. Never has that been more evident than in the months following the birth of our firstborn. Don't get me wrong, I adore her. But there were selfish parts of me that resented that I could no longer live up to certain standards, standards that I set for myself. The house never seemed clean enough, meals were often rushed and bland, my weight and stress levels soared, and I mourned the loss of sleep and privacy. I now know that I was battling some mild postpartum depression, but at the time I felt completely buried under all the responsibilities and demands on my time, most of which was my own fault owing to my habit of over-commitment. When a couple of rather serious family issues emerged on top of all of my self-induced stress...well, I had to seek outside help. I shared about that experience in a previous post.

I struggled mightily in that first year, and that was only after having one child. When I found out I was pregnant with our second tiny human, I knew I needed to strategize some coping mechanisms to prepare for the added stress. I thought about schedules for cleaning, methods for organizing, programs for support, etc. I raced to take a couple more classes for my Masters so I wouldn't fall behind. I shopped consignment sales for what few baby supplies we needed, and even spent a month with family just enjoying some quality time and support.

As the time drew near and I prayed over my mental stability, I realized that no matter how much planning and preparation I did, it all came down to one thing.

GRACE.

I needed to be prepared to throw every plan out the window. I needed to be willing to ask for help. I needed to allow myself time to adjust and heal. I needed to show myself some grace.

When the New Year rang in, I determined that a key component of this revelation lay in setting realistic expectations for myself. For me, this meant not setting any New Year's resolutions. Well, ok, I set one - to infuse my life and my relationships with grace. Grace would be the word for 2017. I prayed and sincerely asked God to help me to have more grace, for myself and for everyone around me. I also asked for help in accepting grace. For me, accepting grace from others (even God) is sometimes just as hard as showing grace to others. I knew that it wouldn't be easy for me, but I also knew that if I prayed about it continually, God would bless and multiply the effort.

So far this year God has moved in the smallest but most amazing ways. When I say small, I don't mean to minimize His work but to point out that there have been some seemingly insignificant blessings that have meant the world to me. For example, J came two days early and was bigger and even healthier than his sister had been at birth. He eats very well and is already smiling at us at only two months old. He had a brief bout of colic, but God provided healing and now J keeps a pretty consistent schedule (although he is still very clingy, but this Mommy doesn't mind the extra snuggles. That's what baby carriers/wraps are for!).

After J was born, over a dozen other families from our church and community provided meals for us. We had family members visit and help out around the house. Friends bought us mounds of diapers and showered us with gifts. We've been so blessed, I can't keep up with the thank-you notes!

God has also helped me to find ways to fulfill desires I didn't even know I had. I've discovered reading while breastfeeding and as a result I'm blazing through books each week. I've already read more books in the past ten weeks than I did in the entirety of 2016! I've also found a way to go swimming every week, which helps me relax and build physical strength at the same time (I've always loved swimming!).

Perhaps the most important area in which I've witnessed the grace of God recently is in my marriage. Since having J I've had the flu, mastitis, and food poisoning (twice in one week!). My husband has shouldered so much of the burden of this transition period, and as a result I am able to find peace in his patient love. I get to watch him grow as a Daddy and lean on him as my teammate and best friend. He has shown me the true meaning of grace in the past few weeks. He may not realize it, but when he loves me so extravagantly, he points me right back to God. And I'm so, so, SO thankful for him.

So I didn't set any resolutions this year, but I have seen more progress, joy, and peace than I could have imagined. All because of God's grace. I'm amazed, humbled, and excited to see what the rest of the year has in store. It won't all be warm fuzzies and sunshine. But these first ten weeks or so have shown me that I can absolutely depend on the grace of God. Now to learn how to share it with everyone around me...

Hapless but hopeful,
Cassie

Christmas musings: Fear not!

I have been so anxious over the past few months. Anxious over my husband's workload and travel requirements, the US presidential election, my Masters classes, recent financial decisions, making the holiday season "perfect" for my family...and I'm currently 37 weeks pregnant to boot! If you ask my husband (and almost anyone who knows me well), I'm a worrier. It's what I do. It's one of those things I have to work on constantly in my walk with God. Obviously, this season has been no different.

This morning I gave in to pregnancy insomnia (again) and decided to spend time in God's word. As He always does, God spoke straight into my heart to allay my fears and calm my mind. I decided to read the Christmas story, which I think most of you have probably done or at least heard at some point in your life. Thanks to popular media and Charlie Brown, most people have at least heard the account given to us in Luke 2:8-20. But this morning, as I read it for what seems like the umpteenth time, something struck me.

But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people." Luke 2:10

Now most people read that and accept that the angel is telling the shepherds, and us by proxy, that the birth of Christ will bring great joy to everyone. But I think we glaze over a more subtle message on our way to that joy. Read it again: "But the angel said to them, 'Do not be afraid.'" Do you see what I'm getting at? True, the shepherds were literally fearful in that moment as an angel randomly appeared in their field with a message about some special baby. The angel was simply calming them so he could pass along God's joyous news. But if we put it together and read a little further in scripture, I believe the angel's message in its entirety applies to "all the people." The good news brought by the angel, in the form of the tiny Messiah child, was meant to bring great joy and calm all fears for all people. 

In my morning Advent devotional, there were a series of prophetic verses to back this up. Deuteronomy 4:29-31 (NLT) says, "But from there you will search again for the Lord your God. And if you search for him with all your heart and soul, you will find him. In the distant future, when you are suffering all these things, you will finally return to the Lord your God and listen to what he tells you. For the Lord your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon you or destroy you or forget the solemn covenant he made with your ancestors." What covenant? This verse is specifically referencing the covenant God made with Abraham in which God promised to make his descendants more numerous than the stars in the sky or the sand on the beach (Genesis 22:17-18). One of those descendants was Jesus Christ (Matthew 1:1-17). Jesus' life and sacrifice ushered in a new covenant, one under which anyone can believe and be saved (John 3:16; Acts 16:31; Romans 10:9). Part of that covenant is a "peace...which surpasses all understanding," (Philippians 4:7) along with the joy promised by the angel in that field so long ago.

Luckily for people like me, God extends grace even when we don't deserve it. Psalm 103:13-14 (NLT) says, "The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust." Wow, somehow that verse manages to simultaneously convict and calm me. God knows I'm human, and he extends grace to me in my anxiety by giving me His peace. But that's not all. "The high and lofty one who lives in eternity, the Holy One, says this: 'I live in the high and holy place with those whose spirits are contrite and humble. I restore the crushed spirit of the humble and revive the courage of those with repentant hearts," (Isaiah 57:15, NLT). Not only does God promise to extend grace and bestow peace, He will also restore my spirit and revive me, if I'm only willing to repent of my worrisome nature. 

Jesus himself said, "Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me...(v.27) I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid," (John 14:1, 27; NLT). And there it is again. We've come full circle. It's so simple, it's easy to miss or forget, but it's foundational to our faith - we don't have to fear because we have Jesus. Romans 8:38 in the New Living Translation (NLT) states that nothing, not even "our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow," can separate us from God's love. So this season as I strive to focus on all the wonderful facets of God's Christmas gift to us, I know that I can rest easy in His promises. 

That's why in my journal this morning, I noted that, "God is...faithful to keep his promises through all situations and generations." I will still worry at times, but I will do as Mary did in Luke 2:19. I will treasure this knowledge of peace and ponder God's grace when anxiety builds.

I wish you all a peaceful and fulfilling Christmas.

Hapless but hopeful, 

Cassie

Christmas musings: For we shall see Him

Christmas is my absolute favorite time of year. I am one of *those* people who goes all out with the lights, greenery, bells, constant Christmas music in the background and incessant prayers for snow. Christmas was always a big deal in my family growing up. We had so many fun traditions, such as caroling with friends and reading the Christmas story together as a family. I remember one year all of us kids tried to put on a play detailing our own version of the Nativity story (because what Christian kid hasn't?!). Our fat old cat, Snickelfritz, was not pleased to play the part of the Baby Jesus, but he laid there and played dead because we'd put him in a doll dress and he could barely move. AAAAaaaah the memories...

Another tradition that I cherished was hearing my father sing at church. Y'all, I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but my Daddy can SING. I grew up wishing I could sing like him, and I tried a few times, but he has a God-given talent I just didn't inherit. One of my all-time favorite songs that he regularly sang during the Christmas season was the hit song "Mary, did you know?" by Mark Lowry. I LOVE THAT SONG. As a kid, I loved the haunting melody and the lovely harmonies. Now that I'm a mother myself, the words have also taken on a whole new meaning to me. Here are a few lines that are particularly poignant:

"Mary did you know that your baby boy will save our sons and daughters?

Did you know that your baby boy has come to make you new?

This child that you've delivered, will soon deliver you...

And when you kiss your little baby, you have kissed the face of God."

CHILLS. I know Mary had faith and she trusted God's plan despite all the pain and heartbreak it would bring. But did she fully comprehend that plan? How much did God really reveal to her over the years? The Bible mentions several times that she "stored up" or "cherished" things in her heart. But what were her thoughts as she sat at the foot of the cross just 32 years after that fateful night in the stable? Not to be flippant, but can you imagine kissing "the face of God," as Mary did, knowing God's plan for His future?

Every Christmas has a bit of a dark cloud when you read the Bible story and truly comprehend Christ's purpose. Yes, He was born a baby to a faithful young virgin in a stable surrounded by animals and shepherds. It was a glorious night, but it was a night that began a 32-year journey to the cross. I wish I could've been there that night. I wish I could've seen the star, heard the angels, celebrated with the humble shepherds, and quietly took it all in as Mary did. I wish I could kiss that sweet little face and know what it must feel like to love and hold the Savior of the world as a human being. I long for the chance to physically hug God. I know it probably sounds weird, but I really do. 

This morning as my hips ached and my toddler slapped me in the face again in her sleep, I abandoned all hope for further sleep myself and dragged my oh-so-pregnant body to the kitchen. I decided I would search for an Advent-focused devotional online and spend some much needed quiet time with God. Once again, Google did not disappoint and I stumbled across Cissie Graham-Lynch's "Born to you this Day." It is well-written and thought-provoking, but what really hit me was the list of Biblical prophecies about Jesus' birth and identity. Within that list I found a golden nugget that promises to become one of my new favorite verses:

"But as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives,

and he will stand upon the earth at last.

And after my body has decayed, 

yet in my body I will see God!

I will see him for myself.

Yes, I will see him with my own eyes.

I am overwhelmed at the thought!"

Job 19:25-27

What does this mean and how does it relate to the Christmas story? Just this: we may never fully understand what Mary and Joseph went through that cold, dark night; however, we will someday get to see our sweet Redeemer, in the flesh, with our own eyes! I love that last line of verse 27 because I am truly "overwhelmed at the thought!" See, Christmas (rather, the birth of Christ) wasn't just about a little baby that came into the world just to die horrifically in the prime of His life. No! Christ's birth was about a tiny baby who grew into the most wonderful, loving, powerful man the earth had ever and would ever know. A tiny baby who, yes, would die horrifically, but would then come back to life only three days later. Triumphant! A conqueror! The Redeemer! 

1 John 3:2 says, "Dear friends, we are already God's children, but he has not yet shown us what we will be like when Christ appears. But we do know that we will be like him, for we will see him as he really is." It's true that we cannot physically see Him the way his family and followers did. But we will! That, to me, is what Christmas is really all about. Our Redeemer came into this earth a tiny, humble baby and left a triumphant conqueror whose sacrifice and love guarantee us an unimaginably wonderful eternity. 

Friends, I hope you are able to carve out time this Christmas season to reflect on these thoughts. Our modern Christmas celebrations are often overtaken by long lines, bad traffic, groaning bank accounts, and so.much.food. But please, take the time both alone and with your families to reflect on the true meaning of Christmas. That is, Christ. Not only is He "the reason for the season," He's the source of joy, peace, and fulfillment for which we all long to experience. 

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas!

Hapless but hopeful,

Cassie