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Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Ministry: Size v. Success

Well, I'm back. I took an extended break for numerous reasons. I've been battling morning sickness and chronic pain, as well as some upheaval in my husband's job and a few other things. All of these things are positive in the bigger picture - my sickness and pain are due to my pregnancy, which is progressing normally; the upheaval in my husband's job is due to his traveling and increased responsibility. There are other such excuses too, but what it really boils down to is this: my head and heart weren't in the right place. I was growing discouraged again. I've always prided myself on being very adaptable, but lately my emotional state seems more fragile than ever before. Call it hormones, call it exhaustion, call it "mommy brain," call it whatever - it's a fog that hovers around my head for however long it takes me to drag myself out of it. Usually God gives me a little kick in the pants to jump start things again. This time was no different.

I honestly had already lost sight of what I originally set out to achieve with this blog. I've been told by other, much more successful bloggers that it happens to everyone and usually more than once. I didn't expect it to happen so soon! I wasn't getting the responses I wanted, so I started questioning the purpose, wondering if anyone cared or if anything I said made a difference. Then God kicked me in the pants. I stumbled across one of Ann Voskamp's eloquent posts that (as usual) burned all the way through the fog and pierced my heart. Here's my favorite quote:

BOOM. Then a dear friend asked why I hadn't posted in a while. And that's when I realized - or rather, remembered why I started doing this in the first place. God wants me to share my heart and let Him do the rest. That's it. It shouldn't matter to me if it reaches a million people or just one (or none for that matter). Maybe God is using this to reach ME as much as anyone else. And I have to say, that's a huge relief. I don't have to focus on statistics or traffic or views. I can just focus on what is on my heart, share it as best I can, and let God work. IT'S NOT ABOUT ME. That's an awesome feeling. So here I go again, with a fresh start, a humbled heart, and a newly cleared head. I've learned so much in the last month or so. I can't wait to share! If you've read this far, God bless you and I hope you'll join me in the weeks ahead. 

Hapless but hopeful,

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